A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five. Groucho Marx
A committee is a group of the unwilling chosen from the unfit to do the unnecessary. Author Unknown
A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools. Douglas Adams
A cookie store is a bad idea. Besides, the market research reports say America likes crispy cookies, not soft and chewy cookies like you make. Response to Debbie Field's idea of starting Mrs. Fields' Cookies
A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin. Henry Louis Mencken, (1880-1956)
Adults are obsolete children. Dr. Seuss
Adventure today means finding one's way back to the silence and stillness of a thousand years ago. Pico Iyver (New York Times Magazine)
Advertisements contain the only truths to be relied on in a newspaper. Mark Twain
A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject. Winston Churchill (1874-1965) British Statesman, Soldier
A God-given larynx does not always come with with God-given brain-cells. Author Unknown
A lie can run around the world before the truth can get it's boots on. James Watt
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on. Winston Churchill (1874-1965) British Statesman, Soldier
A lie left unchallenged becomes the truth. Tom Gresham
A lie told often enough becomes the truth. Lenin
All generalizations are dangerous, even this one. Alexandre Dumas (1802-1870) French novelist and dramatist
All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height. Casey Stengel
All's fear in love and war. Linda Giordano
A man never tells you anything until you contradict him. George Bernard Shaw
America is the country where you buy a lifetime supply of aspirin for one dollar, and use it up in two weeks. Author Unknown
An error does not become truth by reason of multiplied propagation, nor does truth become error because nobody sees it. Mohandas Gandhi
Any man who watches more than three consecutive football games on TV in one day can be declared legally dead. Dr. Joyce Brothers
Applying modern technology is simply finding the right wrench to pound the correct screw. Author Unknown
A rumor without a leg to stand on will get around some other way. John Tudor
As far as Saddam Hussein being a great military strategist, he is neither a strategist, nor is he schooled in the operational arts, nor is he a tactician, nor is he a general, nor is he a soldier. Other than that, he's a great military man. I want you to know that. H. Norman Schwarzkopf (1934- ) General, US Army
A single death is a tragedy. A million deaths are a statistic. Joseph Stalin
A skeptic is a person who when he sees the handwriting on the wall, claims it's a forgery. Author Unknown
As long as man's beliefs, or any part of them, are based on error, he is not completely free, for the chains of error bind his mind. Bruce R. McConkie
A speech is a solemn responsibility. The man who makes a bad thirty-minute speech to two hundred people wastes only a half hour of his own time. But he wastes one hundred hours of the audience's time - more than four days - which should be a hanging offense. Jenkin Lloyd Jones
As the light changed from red to green to yellow and back to red again, I sat there thinking about life. Was it nothing more than a bunch of honking and yelling? Sometimes it seemed that way. Jack Handey
A strong conviction that something must be done is the parent of many bad measures. Daniel Webster
Automation is a technological process that does all the work while you just sit there. When you were younger, this was called "Mother". Author Unknown
A zebra does not change its spots. Al "Nature Watch" Gore
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes right through to the bone. Author Unknown
Be careful of the words you say, Keep them soft and sweet. You never know from day to day, Which ones you'll have to eat. Author Unknown
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in his shoes. Then, if he gets mad at you, you're a mile away and he doesn't have any shoes. Brent Jensen
Being a woman is a terribly difficult task since it consists principally in dealing with men. Joseph Conrad
Better never trouble trouble until trouble troubles you; for you only make your trouble double trouble when you do. David Keppel
Beware the fury of a patient man. John Dryden
Bless your heart sir, my son is over in Iraq fighting for your right to protest. Alaska Governor Sarah Palin, responding to an anti-war heckler at a campaign rally in Florida while campaigning for the vice-presidency of the US, Oct 2008
By doing just a little every day, I can gradually let the task completely overwhelm me. Ashleigh Brilliant
By the time I found the key to happiness, the lock had rusted. Tom Wilson (in 'Ziggy')
Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function. Garrison Keillor
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society. Mark Twain
Coincidence is the word we use when we can't see the levers and pulleys. Emma Bull
Common sense is genius dressed up in its working clothes. Ralph Waldo Emerson
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen. Albert Einstein
"Contrariwise", continued Tweedledee, "If it was so, it might be; and if it were so, it would be; but as it isn't, it ain't. That's logic." Lewis Carroll
Cooperation isn't the absence of conflict but a means of managing conflict. Deborah Tannen (The Argument Culture)
Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country. Steven Wright
Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that. Martin Luther King, Jr., 1929-1968
Death by violence, death by cold, death by starvation they are the normal endings of the stately creatures of the wilderness. The sentimentalists who prattle about the peaceful life of nature do not realize its utter mercilessness. Theodore Roosevelt in his safari diary
Diplomacy is the art of saying "Nice doggie" until you can find a rock. Author Unknown
Discovery consists in seeing what everyone else has seen and thinking what no one else has thought. Albert Szent-Gyorgi
Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule. Plant Manager, Delco Corporation
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something . . . Pancho Villa, 1877-1923, last words
Do what is right, not what you think the high headquarters wants or what you think will make you look good. H. Norman Schwarzkopf (1934- ) General, US Army
Drill for oil? You mean drill into the ground and try to find oil? You're crazy. Drillers who Edwin L. Drake tried to enlist to his project to drill for oil in 1859
Drunk is feeling sophisticated when you can't say it. Author Unknown
Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together. Carl Zwanzig
Each of us can be a leader. We need to remember that the mantle of leadership is not the cloak of comfort, but the robe of responsibility. Perhaps our service is to youth. If so, I caution: 'Youth needs fewer critics and more models.' One hundred years from now it will not matter what kind of a car we drove, what kind of a house we lived in, how much we had in the bank account, nor what our clothes looked like. But the world may be a little better because we were important in the life of a boy or a girl. Thomas S. Monson (Ensign, Mar 1988, p 2)
Either that wallpaper goes, or I do. Oscar Wilde, 1854-1900, on his deathbed
Error of opinion may be tolerated, where reason is left free to combat it. Thomas Jefferson
Ever notice how irons have a setting for *permanent* press? I don't get it. Steven Wright
Every attempt to make war easy and safe will result in humiliation and disaster. William Tecumseh Sherman
Every country gets the circus it deserves. Spain gets bullfights. Italy gets the Catholic Church, America gets Hollywood. Erica Jong (How to Save Your Own Life, 1977)
Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler. Albert Einstein
Everything that can be invented has been invented. Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, US Office of Patents, 1899
Every day in America, about 25,000 people buy a quarter-inch drill. But nobody in America wants a quarter-inch drill. What they want are holes. Maine Governor Angus King, at the Camden Technology Conference (Wired, 20 Oct 2001)
Every viewpoint, is a view from a point. Solomon Parker
Facts are stubborn things, but statistics are more pliable. Laurence Peter
Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored. Aldous Huxley
Faith and doubt both are needed, not as antagonists, but working side by side to take us around the unknown curve. Lillian Smith
Fear isn't so difficult to understand. After all, weren't we all frightened as children? Nothing has changed since Little Red Riding Hood faced the big bad wolf. What frightens us today is exactly the same sort of thing that frightened us yesterday. It's just a different wolf. ― Alfred Hitchcock
First and last, what is demanded of genius is love of truth. Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
For disappearing acts, it's hard to beat what happens to the eight hours supposedly left after eight of sleep and eight of work. Doug Larson
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism. Author Unknown
Forget love, I'd rather fall into chocolate. Author Unknown
Freedom of choice is more to be treasured than any possession earth can give. David O. McKay (General Conference Report, Apr 1950, p 32)
Girls, when they went out to swim, once dressed like Mother Hubbard. Now they have a bolder whim, They dress more like her cupboard. Author Unknown
Give a small boy a hammer and he will find that everything he encounters needs pounding. Abraham Kaplan
Give me ambiguity or give me something else. Author Unknown
God cannot deal with us on the basis of forgiveness while we are harboring ill-will against those who have wronged us. Max B. Skousen (How to Pray and Stay Awake, p 132)
Goodness without wisdom always accomplished evil. Robert A. Heinlein (1907-1988)
Graffiti is a terrorist attack in the larval stage. Author Unknown
Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with. Mark Twain
Hatreds never cease by hatreds. By love alone they cease. Buddha
Heaven is purpose, principle, and people. Purgatory is paper and procedure. Hell is rules and regulations. Dee Hock
He hasn't one redeeming vice. Oscar Wilde
Hollywood has glorified adult premarital sex, and that is unhelpful if your goal is to reduce teen pregnancy and out-of-wedlock births. Joseph Lieberman, US Senator
How and why do cockroaches always flip onto their backs when they die? Hmmmmm
How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night? Doug Larson
How come the dove gets to be the peace symbol? How about the pillow? It has more feathers than the dove, and it doesn't have that dangerous beak. Jack Handey
How come they say "cute as a button"? Why a button? JH, Carteret, NJ
How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings? Hmmmmm
How do you draw a blank? Hmmmmm
How is it possible to have a civil war? Stephen Wright
How many dyslexics does it change to take a light bulb? Hmmmmm
Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so. Douglas Adams
I always find that statistics are hard to follow and impossible to digest. The only one I can ever remember is that if all the people who go to sleep in church were laid end to end they would be a lot more comfortable. Mrs. Robert A. Taft
I am extraordinarily patient, provided I get my own way in the end. Margaret Thatcher
I am not afraid of an army of lions led by a sheep; I am afraid of an army of sheep led by a lion. Alexander the Great
I am not sincere, even when I say I am not. Jules Renard
I am probably the most open-minded person in the world...and damn it, nobody can change my mind about that. John Ziegler
I believe in facing reality. But only because I don't like turning my back on it. Bob Thaves in "Frank and Ernest"
I believe in the
niggardly use of racial epithets. Horribilus
I bet a funny thing about driving a car off a cliff is, while you're in midair, you still hit those brakes! Hey, better try the emergency brake! Jack Handey
I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either. Jack Benny
I don't know anything about music. In my line, you don't have to. Elvis Presley
I don't think anyone should write their autobiography until after they're dead. Samuel Goldwyn
I don't think God put me on this planet to judge others. I think he put me on this planet to gather specimens and take them back to my home planet. Jack Handey
I don't think you can make a lawyer honest by an act of legislature. You've got to work on his conscience. And his lack of conscience is what makes him a lawyer. Will Rogers
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying. Woody Allen
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous. Author Unknown
I feel like I've got one foot in the grave and the other on a banana peel. Author Unknown
If 7-11 is open 24 hours a week, 365 days a week, why are there locks on the doors? Hmmmmm
If a doctor doctors a doctor, does the doctor who doctors the doctor doctor the doctor the way the doctor he is doctoring doctors? Or, does he doctor the doctor the way the doctor who doctor's doctors doctors? Author Unknown
If aliens are a higher intelligence, why do they abduct the dumbest people? Hmmmmm
If all the cars in the United States were placed end to end, it would probably be Labor Day weekend. Doug Larson
If a man has talent and can't use it, he's failed. If he uses only half of it, he has partly failed. If he uses the whole of it, he has succeeded, and won a satisfaction and triumph few men ever know. Thomas Wolfe (1900-1938) US novelist
If God doesn't destroy Hollywood, he owes Sodom and Gomorra a big apology. Author Unknown
If I come back as a horsefly, I think my favorite thing would be to land on someone's lip. Even if they smash you, ick!, you're all over their lip! Jack Handey
If I come back as an animal in my next lifetime, I hope it's some type of parasite, because this is the part where I take it easy! Jack Handey
If I didn't have most of my friends, I wouldn't have most of my problems. Ashleigh Brilliant
If I had the time to sit down and write a thank-you note to everyone who sent me a nice, expensive present, what a wonderful world that would be! Jack Handey
If I had thought about it, I wouldn't have done the experiment. The literature was full of examples that said you can't do this. Spencer Silver on the work that led to the unique adhesive for 3-M "Post-It" notepads
If it is a miracle, any sort of evidence will answer, but if it is a fact, proof is necessary. Mark Twain
If it weren't for all the good in the world, we wouldn't even notice the bad. Ashleigh Brilliant
If nobody is happy, it must be fair. Author Unknown
If nothing sticks to Teflon, how do they make Teflon stick to the pan? Hmmmmm
If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2? Stephen Wright
If the military drifts away from its people in this country, that is a catastrophic outcome we as a country can't tolerate, can't afford, in no way. It's a different lash-up, which I think would be very bad for us as a nation. Adm. Michael G. Mullen, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff (Remarks to Defense Writers Group, Washington, DC, 2 Jun 2011)
If there is a 50-50 chance that something can go wrong, then 9 times out of ten it will. Paul Harvey
If the world were perfect, it wouldn't be. Yogi Berra
If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason. Jack Handey
If we all work together, we can totally disrupt the system. Ashleigh Brilliant
If we could just get everyone to close their eyes and visualize world peace for an hour, imagine how serene and quiet it would be until the looting started. Jack Handey
If we don't prepare for better times, they may never come. Ashleigh Brilliant
If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure. Al Gore
If we want an all-volunteer force, the bottom line is that we're going to have to take care of these people who were willing to do what the bulk of people weren't willing to do. Going to war is dangerous you can get killed doing it. And the question is, are the American people willing to recognize the sacrifices of these young people? Retired Gen. Gordon R. Sullivan, former Army Chief of Staff (Associated Press dispatch, 19 Aug 2011.
If you are in a boxing match, try not to let the other guy's glove touch your lips, because you don't know where that glove has been. Jack Handey
If you don't stir the pot now and then, a scum will form. Author Unknown
If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the mirror, because I bet that's what really throws you into a panic. Jack Handey
If you ever drop your keys in a river of molten lava, let 'em go, because, man, they're gone. Jack Handey
If you ever reach total enlightenment while you're drinking a beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out of your nose. Jack Handey
If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take two aspirin" and "Keep away from children." Author Unknown
If you lost your left arm, your right arm would be left. Author Unknown
If you're an ant, and you're walking along across the top of a cup of pudding, you probably have no idea that the only thing between you and disaster is the strength of the pudding skin. Jack Handey
If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights? Hmmmmm
If you were a gladiator in olden days, I bet the inefficiency of how the gladiator fights were organized and scheduled would just drive you up a wall. Jack Handey
I had a monumental idea this morning, but I didn't like it. Samuel Goldwyn
I hate it when people blame someone else and don't take responsibility. William Jefferson Clinton (US News and World Report, May 3, 1999)
I have a cat that weighs 3 pounds, If she wants to be picked up, she weighs about that or less. If she does not want to be picked up, she weighs about 25 pounds. How do cats do that? WW, Mobile, Alabama
I have cobwebs in my basement; however, I have never seen a cob. What is a cob? MB, Senecaville, Ohio
I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future. Dan Quayle
I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure. Clarence Darrow
I hope in the future Americans are thought of as warlike, vicious people, because I bet a lot of high schools would pick "Americans" as their mascot. Jack Handey
I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it. Jack Handey
I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down to us. Pigs treat us as equals. Sir Winston Churchill
I'm an old man and I've seen many troubles in my life...most of which never occurred. Mark Twain
I'm just glad it'll be Clark Gable who's falling on his face and not Gary Cooper. Gary Cooper on his decision not to take the leading role in Gone With The Wind
Inanimate objects are classified scientifically into three major categories: those that don't work, those that break down, and those that get lost. Russell Baker (New York Times, 18 Jun 1968)
In any struggle, it is essential to know both what you are fighting for and what you are fighting against. If knowledge of the former is lacking, the will to win will be absent If knowledge of the latter is absent, confusion and uncertainty will result. J. Edgar Hoover
Indecision may or may not be my problem. Bumper Sticker
Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. Martin Luther King, Jr.
In the midst of great joy, do not promise anyone anything. In the midst of great anger, do not answer anyone's letter. Chinese Proverb
In the old days, being crazy meant something. Nowadays, everybody's crazy. Charles Manson
In the province of the mind, what one believes to be true either is true or becomes true. John Lilly
In this enlightened age, there are few I believe, but what will acknowledge, that slavery as an institution, is a moral and political evil in any Country. Robert E Lee, Confederate General, 1856
In times like these, it helps to recall that there have always been times like these. Paul Harvey
In war, there is no substitute for victory. Douglas MacArthur
In weight lifting, I don't think sudden, uncontrolled urination should automatically disqualify you. Jack Handey
I really didn't say everything I said. Yogi Berra
I shall pass this way but once. If there is any good I can do, let it be now; for I shall not pass this way again. Author unknown
I still place emphasis on appearance, even though I've run across a few well-dressed idiots. Michael Levine
It doesn't take a hero to order men into battle. It takes a hero to be one of those men who goes into battle. H. Norman Schwarzkopf (1934- ) General, US Army
I think a good gift for the President would be a chocolate revolver. And since he's so busy, you'd probably have to run up to him real quick and hand it to him. Jack Handey
I think the country could be spared a lot of agony and the government could worry about inflation and a lot of other problems if [Nixon would] go on and resign....[There is] no question that an admission of making false statements to government officials and interfering with the FBI and the CIA is an impeachable offense. Bill Clinton, then a law professor at the University of Arkansas, Arkansas Gazette, 8 Aug 1974
It is always easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them. Alfred Adler
It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage is so rare. Mark Twain
It is difficult to get a man to understand something when his salary depends upon not understanding it. Upton Sinclair
It is easy to sit and take notice. What is difficult is getting up and taking action. Al Batt
It is good to look to the past to gain appreciation for the present and perspective for the future. Gordon B. Hinckley (Ensign, Jul 1984)
It is interesting that Satan, who voted for 'no opposition', has become the main source of it! Mary Ellen Edmunds (LDS Speaker's Sourcebook, Aspen Books, 1991, page 407)
It is much easier to be critical than to be correct. Benjamin Disraeli
It is necessary for me to establish a winner image. Therefore, I have to beat somebody. Richard M. Nixon
It is no disgrace to start over. It is usually an opportunity. George M. Adams
It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweet and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs and come up short again and again; who know great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who, at best, knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his pace shall never be with those timid souls who know neither victory or defeat. Theodore Roosevelt
It is not whether you win or lose, but where you place the blame. Author Unknown
It is the Soldier, not the reporter who has given us freedom of the press. It is the Soldier, not the poet who has given us freedom of speech. It is the Soldier, not the campus organizer who has given us the freedom to demonstrate. It is the Soldier, not the lawyer who has given us the right to a fair trial. It is the Soldier who salutes the flag, who serves under the flag, whose coffin is draped in the flag, who allows the protester to burn the flag. Charles M. Province
It's a dog-eat-dog world, and I feel like I'm wearing MilkBone underwear. Author Unknown
It's a funny old world, a man's lucky if he gets out of it alive. WC Fields
It's a funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it. W Somerset Maugham
It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it. Steven Wright
It's bad luck to be superstitious. Dennis the Menace
It's better to be 0-for-20 than 0-for-0. Michael Levine
It's better to be boldly decisive and risk being wrong than to agonize at length and be right too late. Marilyn Moats Kennedy
It's better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt. Author Unknown
It's fun to have fun, but you have to know how. Dr. Szeuz (The Cat in the Hat)
It's hard to soar with eagles when you spend your time with turkeys. Author Unknown
It's lack of faith that makes people afraid of meeting challenges, and I believe in myself. Muhammad Ali
It's past time to go when you start asking yourself if it's time to go. William Rotsler
It's the things in common that make relationships enjoyable, but it's the little differences that make them interesting. Todd Ruthman
It's time for the human race to enter the solar system. Dan Quayle
It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech. Mark Twain
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure. Author Unknown
I used to sing like Nat King Cole. I mean he was the guy when I was comin' up, and you know, man, people used to say of me, "Damn, he sure do sound like Nat King Cole." But there was a day, and luckily for me it was early, when I woke up and asked myself, "Well, when are the ask me to sing because I sound like me?" So my advice is, never do anything that you don't like. Ray Charles
I waited and waited, and when no message came, I knew it must have been from you. Ashleigh Brilliant
I was in the grocery store. I saw a sign that said "pet supplies." So I did. Then I went outside and saw a sign that said "compact cars." Steven Wright
I watch a lot of baseball on radio. Gerald Ford
I went to a 7-11 and asked for a 2x4 and a box of 3x5's. The clerk said, "ten-four." Steven Wright
I wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence. There's a knob called "brightness", but it doesn't work. Gallagher
Just because everything is different doesn't mean anything has changed. Southern California Oracle
Just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean someone's not to get me. Art Sansom in "Born Loser"
Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect. Benny Hill
Just because something doesn't do what you planned it to do doesn't mean it's useless. Thomas Edison
Just when you finally find the key to success, somebody changes the lock. Tom Wilson in "Ziggy"
Just when you thought you were winning the rat race, along come faster rats. Author Unknown
Keep high aspirations, moderate expectations and small needs. H. Stein
Keep your nose to the grindstone; the shorter it is, the less trouble it'll get into. Verdon Mason
Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless. Mother Teresa (Agnes Gonxha Bojaxhiu), 1910-1997
Kites rise highest against the wind -- not with it. Winston Churchill
Labor to keep alive in your breast that little spark of celestial fire - conscience. George Washington
Laziness is a heavy burden. Irish Proverb
Leaders are like eagles, they don't flock, you find them one at a time. Author Unknown
Leadership is a gift. It's given by those who follow. You have to be worthy of it. Gen. Mark Welsh, Commander, US Air Forces in Europe
Leadership is a potent combination of strategy and character. But if you must be without one, be without the strategy. H. Norman Schwarzkopf (1934- ) General, US Army
Leadership is intangible, and therefore no weapon ever designed can replace it. General Omar Bradley
Let men decide firmly what they will not do, and they will be free to do vigorously what they ought to do. Mencius, Discourses, circa 300 BC
Let us not be too particular: it is better to have old secondhand diamonds than none at all. Mark Twain
Life is a dead-end street. Henry Louis Mencken, (1880-1956)
Life is hard by the yard; but by the inch it's a cinch! Author Unknown
Life is like a ladder. Every step we take is either up or down. Author Unknown
Life is like an Indiana Jones movie. It's just one darned thing after another. Ed Lindquist
Life is like a ten-speed bicycle. Most of us have gears we never use. Charles M. Schulz
Life is something to do when you can't get to sleep. Fran Lebowitz
Life is the art of drawing sufficient conclusions from insufficient premises. Samuel Butler
Life may have no meaning, or, even worse, it may have a meaning of which I disapprove. Ashleigh Brilliant
Listen fifty percent more than you talk. Kate
Listening is the beginning of understanding. Author unknown
Lord, help me to meet this self-imposed and totally unnecessary challenge. Ashleigh Brilliant
Making a living is not the same thing as making a life. Unknown
Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot. Author Unknown
Make sure you are on the leading edge and not the lunatic fringe. Author Unknown
Make the most of yourself, for that is all there is of you. Ralph Waldo Emerson
Management's goal should be to do everything in their power to help others be as successful as possible. Management succeeds only when the rest of the organization succeeds Johnson & Johnson Co. (Employee Relations Manual, 1932)
Man is harder than iron, stronger than stone and more fragile than a rose. Turkish Proverb
Mankind are governed more by their feelings than by reason. Samuel Adams
Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most times he will pick himself up and carry on. Winston Churchill
Many of us are more capable than some of us. But none of us is as capable as all of us. Tom Wilson in "Ziggy"
Maturity: When you stop doing the stuff you have to make excuses for and when you stop making excuses for the stuff you have to do. Marilyn Vos Savant
Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself. Mankind. Basically, it's made up of two separate words - "mank" and "ind." What do these words mean? It's a mystery, and that's why so is mankind. Jack Handey
Men and time change, but principles and character - never. Author unknown
Men are like steel. When they lose their temper, they lose their worth. Chuck Norris
Men will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing happened. Winston Churchill
Middleness is the very enemy of the bold. Charles Krauthammer
Mistakes are a fact of life. It is the response to the error that counts. Nikki Giovanni
Moral excellence comes about as a result of habit. We become just by doing just acts, temperate by doing temperate acts, brave by doing brave acts. Aristotle
Most Americans hold a generous opinion of their own morals, even while they remain acutely aware of other's failings. David Whitman (The New Republic)
Motel mattresses are better on the side away from the phone. K. Jackson Brown, Jr.
My boyfriend thinks I lost my true calling to be a librarian. Paulina Porizkova, Super model
[My mama] said, 'You and Elvis are pretty good, but you're no Chuck Berry.' Jerry Lee Lewis
My whole life passed before my eyes! The worst part was that it was narrated by Rod Serling. Tom Wilson in "Ziggy"
Natives who beat drums to drive off evil spirits are objects of scorn to smart Americans who blow horns to break up traffic jams. Mary Ellen Kelly
Never answer an anonymous letter. Yogi Berra
Never ask a barber if you need a haircut. H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity. Unknown
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed people can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. Margaret Mead, 1901-1978
Never go to an optometrist whose eye chart is upside down. Johnny Hart in "BC"
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake. Napoleon Bonaparte
Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. Erma Bombeck
Never, never let anything distract you while you're holding a copperhead. Chuck Weis
Never, never, never, never give up. Winston Churchill
Never play cards with a guy who has the name of a city. Thelma
Never refuse a breath mint. Daryl
Never ruin an apology with an excuse. Kimberly Johnson
Never stand behind a coughing cow. Author Unknown
Never trust a skinny chef. Author Unknown
Never tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity. General George Patton
Never try to make anyone like yourself: you know, and God knows, that one of you is enough. Ralph Waldo Emerson
Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig. Author Unknown
Never wear a white bathing suit. H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
Ninety percent of the game (baseball) is half mental. Yogi Berra
Nobody goes there anymore -- it's too crowded. Yogi Berra
Nobody wants to watch a box night after night. Daryl F. Zanuck, Chairman, 20th Century Fox, rejecting television in 1949
Nobody will ever win the Battle of the Sexes, there's just too much fraternizing with the enemy. Henry Kissenger
No individual raindrop ever considers itself responsible for the flood. Author Unknown
No man is worth his salt who is not ready at all times to risk his
well-being, to risk his body, to risk his life, in a great cause. Theodore
Roosevelt, US President
No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats. Lee Walburn (Atlanta)
No matter where we begin, if we pursue knowledge diligently and honestly our quest will inevitably lead us from the things of earth to the things of heaven. Hugh Nibley
No matter where you go, there you are. Buckaroo Banzai
No one in this world, so far as I know - and I have searched the records for years, and employed agents to help me - has ever lost money by underestimating the intelligence of the great masses of the plain people. Henry Louis Mencken, (1880-1956)
No one's interested in guitar bands any more. Decca Records executive when refusing to sign a young band named the Beatles in the 1960s
None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free. Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
No one is listening until you make a mistake. Author Unknown
No one is thinking if everyone is thinking alike. General George S. Patton
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted. Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
Nothing astonishes men so much as common sense and plain dealing. Author Unknown
Nothing depreciates a car faster than having a neighbor buy a new one. Changing Times
Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm. Ralph Waldo Emerson, 1803-1882
Nothing is as stressful as trying to be a different person from whom you are. Michael Levine
Nothing is really work unless you'd rather be doing something else. James M. Barrie
Nothing will work unless you do. John Wooden
No wonder our kids are so confused. We tell them to never lie, don't expect something for nothing, and never take candy from strangers. Then we convince them there is a Santa Claus who brings free gifts and eats the leftover Halloween treats you leave for him. John Ziegler
Once I wanted total happiness now I will settle for a little less pain. Ashleigh Brilliant
One day my boss asked me to submit a status report concerning a project I was working on. I asked him if tomorrow would be soon enough. He said, "If I wanted it tomorrow, I would have waited until tomorrow to ask for it!" Business Manager, Hallmark Cards
One of nature's miracles is that, in spite of all that shedding, you never see a bald cat. Swanson's
One secret of getting ahead is getting started. Author Unknown
Only a fool tests the depth of the water with both feet. African Proverb
Only dead fish go with the current. Indian Proverb
Only the dead have seen the end of war. Plato
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. Albert Einstein
Our friends should be companions who inspire us, who help us rise to our best. Joseph B. Wirthlin of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles (167th General Conference, Oct 1997)
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. Groucho Marx
Overpay good baby-sitters. H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
Over twelve million Americans consider themselves vegetarians. Less than two million actually don't eat meat, poultry, or fish. Raw Data
People are also judged by the company they keep away from. Author Unknown
People are just like eggs. They come in different colors, but inside, they're all the same. And no matter what the color, if they're rotten inside, they're no damn good. Sherman Nay
People are usually more convinced by reasons they discovered themselves than by those found by others. Blaise Pascal
Please don't argue with me -- it makes me testy. Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Politeness is the art of choosing among your thoughts. Madame de Stael
Prejudiced people are all alike. Author unknown
Prejudices, it is well known, are most difficult to eradicate from the heart whose soil has never been loosened or fertilized by education; they grow there, firm as weeds among stones. Charlotte Bronte, 1816-1855
Prices subject to change depending on the customer's attitude. Author Unknown
Pride is a 'my will' rather than 'thy will' approach to life. Ezra Taft Benson (Ensign, May 1986, p 6)
Progress = Motivation X Activity +/- Attitude. Author Unknown
Quiet talk is the language of love. It is the language of peace. It is the language of God. Gordon B. Hinckley (Relief Society Personal Study Guide, 1988, p 181)
Rain is caused by high-pressure areas, cold fronts and weekends. Gene Mora in "Graffiti"
Repentance is a change of behavior which invites forgiveness. Theodore M. Burton (Ensign, May 1983, p 70)
Reputation is what men and women think of us. Character is what God and angels know of us. Paine, 1737-1809
Repetition does not transform a lie into a truth. Franklin D. Roosevelt
Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die. Malachy McCourt
Scratch a dog and you'll find a permanent job. Franklin P. Jones
Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing. Helen Keller
Should you shield the canyons from the windstorms, you would never see the beauty of their carvings. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross
Silence is the only successful substitute for brains. Author Unknown
Simply stated, it is sagacious to eschew obfuscation. Norman Augustine
Some folks never exaggerate - they just remember big. Audrey Snead
Someone will always be looking at you as an example of how to behave. Don't let him down. H Jackson Brown, Jr
Some people are like slinkies. They're not really good for anything, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs. Author Unknown
Some people give and forgive, others get and forget. Author Unknown
Some people make things happen, some watch things happen, while others wonder what has happened. Author Unknown
Some people, no matter how old they get, never lose their beauty they merely move it from their faces into their hearts. Martin Buxbaum
Sometimes I think the world has gone completely mad. And then I think, "Aw, who cares?" And then I think, "Hey, what's for supper?" Jack Handey
Spend each day as if it were your last...and you'll be broke by sunset. Los Angeles Times Syndicate
Sports do not build character. They reveal it. Heywood Hale Broun
Status symbols are poor excuses for values. Merry Browne
Statistics are like loose women. Once you get them, they let you do what you want with them. Walt Michaels, New York Jets coach
Statistics are no substitute for judgment. Henry Clay
StoP tHe logGiNg or We wiLL coNtiNuE to KIll oNe cEleBriTY eACh wEeK. THeSE wERe No SkIInG AcCIdenTS. THe tReeS
Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them. Bill Vaughan
Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view. Author Unknown
Success depends on your backbone - not your wishbone. Author Unknown
Success has always been easy to measure. It is the distance between one's origins and one's final achievement. Michael Korda, Success
Success is going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm. Sir Winston Churchill
Success is never final, but failure can be. Bill Parcells (Finding a Way to Win)
Success generally depends upon knowing how long it takes to succeed. C.L. de Montesquieu, circa 1750
Success is always temporary. When all is said and done, the only thing you'll have left is your character. Vince Gill
Success is more a function of consistent common sense than it is of genius. An Wang
Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves. Abraham Lincoln
Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say. Marketing Executive, Citrix Corp
Television is an invention that permits you to be entertained in your living room by people you wouldn't have in your home. David Frost
[Television] won't be able to hold onto any market it captures after the first six months. People will soon get tired of staring at a plywood box every night. Darryl F. Zanuck, head of 20th Century-Fox, 1946
Tell a man that there are 300 billion stars in the universe, and he'll believe you. Tell him that a bench has wet paint upon it and he'll have to touch it to be sure. Author Unknown
Ten people who speak make more noise than ten thousand who are silent. Napoleon Bonaparte
That is the biggest fool thing we have ever done. The [atomic] bomb will never go off, and I speak as an expert in explosives. Admiral William Daniel Leahy, advising President Truman on the US atom bomb project, 1945
That man is richest whose pleasures are cheapest. Thoreau
The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will forever be shut from the intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon. Sir John Eric Erickson, British surgeon, appointed Surgeon-Extraordinary to Queen Victoria, 1873
The aging process has you firmly in its grasp if you never get the urge to throw a snowball. Author Unknown
The amount of sleep required by the average person is about five minutes more. Max Kauffmann
The best revenge is to live long enough to be a problem to your children. Author Unknown
The best thing for gray hair is a sensible head. Author Unknown
The best things in life aren't things. Art Buchwald
The best tranquilizer is a clear conscience. K. Jackson Brown, Jr.
The best way to win an argument is to begin by being right. Jill Ruckleshaus
The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology, or the president. You realize that you control your own destiny. Albert Ellis
The cloning of mammals...is biologically impossible. James McGrath and Davor Solter (Science, 1984)
The concept is interesting and well-informed, but in order to earn better than a "C", the idea must be feasible. Yale University management professor on Fred Smith's paper proposing overnight delivery service (Smith went on to found Federal Express)
The difference between reality and fiction? Fiction has to make sense. Tom Clancy
The difference between those who are committed and those who are not is the difference between the words want and will. Marvin J. Ashton (Ensign, Nov 1983, p 63)
The difficulty in making anything foolproof is that fools are so ingenious. Author Unknown
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse [to the trap] gets the cheese. Author Unknown
The entertainment industry as a whole has given more thought to the pollution of rivers than it has to the pollution of minds. Ken Auletta
The essence of the miracle of forgiveness is that it brings peace to the previously anxious, restless, frustrated, perhaps tormented soul. Spencer W. Kimball (LDS Speaker's Sourcebook, Aspen Books, 1991, p 379)
The eye of a friend is a good looking glass. Irish Proverb
The fact that an opinion has been widely held is no evidence whatsoever that it is not utterly absurd. Bertrand Russell
The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts. Paul Erlich
The future isn't what it used to be. Author Unknown
The guitar is all right, but you'll never make your living with it. John Lenon's Aunt Mimi
The golden rule: He who has the gold makes the rules. Author Unknown
The greater a person's sense of guilt, the greater his need to cast blame on others. Author Unknown
The hand can be quicker than the eye, and the mouth can be quicker than the brain. Ashleigh Brilliant
The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in this century's history. But we all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century. Dan Quayle
The ideal of calm exists in a sitting cat. Jules Renard
The imperfections of others never release us from the need to work on our own shortcomings. Neal A. Maxwell (Ensign,
May 1982, p 39)
The leading cause of problems is solutions. Severide's Law
The meek shall inherit the earth, but not its mineral rights. J. Paul Getty
The Middle East is obviously an issue that has plagued the region for centuries. Barack Obama, US presidential imposter,
2010
The one function that TV news performs very well is that when there is no news, we give it to you with the same emphasis as if there were. David Brinkley
The only normal people are the ones you don't know very well. Author Unknown
The only real training for leadership is leadership. Anthony Jay
The only reason I need these gloves is because of my hands. Yogi Berra
The problem with beauty is that it's like being born rich and getting poorer. Joan Collins
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard. Author Unknown
The pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple. Oscar Wilde
The purpose of all wars, is peace. Saint Augustine
The race for quality has no finish line. Author Unknown
The radio craze...will die out in time. Thomas Edison, 1922
The rate at which a person can mature is directly proportional to the embarrassment he can tolerate. Doug Engelbart
There are forty kinds of lunacy, but only one kind of common sense. African Proverb
There are people who love you dearly but just don't know how to show it. Author Unknown
There are things that are so serious that you can only joke about them. Heisenberg
There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics. Benjamin Disraeli
There are three kinds of people: Those who can count, and those who can't. Author Unknown
There are two kinds of people: those who categorize people and those who don't. Author unknown
There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 am. It could be a right number. Doug Larson
There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full. Henry Kissinger
There is a correlation between the creative and the screwball. So we must suffer the screwball gladly. Kingman Brewster
There is but one straight course, and that is to seek truth and pursue it steadily. George Washington (1795)
There is more to life than increasing its speed. Mohandas Gandhi
There is no end to the good we can do if we don't care who gets the credit. Author Unknown
There is no greater burden than great potential. Charles M. Schulz
There is no such thing as bad weather -- only the wrong clothing. Scotish Proverb
There is nothing more exhilarating than to be shot at without result. Winston Churchill
There is no tyranny in the state of confusion. Author Unknown
There never was a good war or a bad peace. Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790), Letter to Josiah Quincy [September 11, 1773]
There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore looking like an idiot. Steven Wright
There's nothing like a good family when you're really up a tree. Carolyn Hax
There's nothing on it worthwhile, and we're not going to watch it in this household, and I don't want it in your intellectual diet. Philo Farnsworth to his children on his invention, the television
There's two possible outcomes: if the result confirms the hypothesis, then you've made a discovery. If the result is contrary to the hypothesis, then you've made a discovery. Enrico Fermi
There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators. Steven Wright
There was no respect for youth when I was young, and now that I am old, there is no respect for age. I missed it coming and going. J.B. Priestley
The road to failure is paved with good intentions. Blaine Nay
The secret of happiness is not in doing what one likes, but in liking what one has to do. Author unknown
The soldier, above all other men, is required to practice the greatest act of religious training sacrifice. General Douglas MacArthur
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up. Author Unknown
The streets are safe in Philadelphia. It's only the people who make them unsafe. Frank Rizzo, ex-police chief and mayor of Philadelphia
The strongest of all warriors are these two Time and Patience. Leo Tolstoy
The success of this life is not measured at the end of it by what we have, but rather by what we are. Rulon S. Wells (General Conference Report, Oct 1912, p 25)
The superior man is distressed by the limitation of his ability; he is not distressed by the fact that men do not recognize the ability he has. Confucius
The task I've been given seems absurd: to wait here on earth until I no longer exist. Ashleigh Brilliant
The tongue weighs practically nothing, but so few people can hold it. Author Unknown
The trouble ain't that there is too many fools, but that the lightning ain't distributed right. Mark Twain
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it. Franklin P. Jones
The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you're not in shape for it, it's too far to walk back. Franklin P. Jones
The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat. Lily Tomlin
The true worth of a race must be measured by the character of its womanhood. Mary McLeod Bethune
The truth is more important than the facts. Frank Lloyd Wright
The unique value of Christianity lies in those things which would never in a million years occur to men if left to themselves. Hugh Nibley
The universe is made up of electrons, protons, neutrons, and morons. Author Unknown
The war in Vietnam is going well and will succeed. Robert McNamara, US Secretary of Defense, 1963
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular? David Sarnoff's associates in response to his urgings for investment in radio in the 1920s
The young sow wild oats. The old grow sage. Author Unknown
Things are more like they are now than they ever were before. Dwight D. Eisenhower
Things are sometimes better left as they are, but you can't be sure until you change them. Ashleigh Brilliant
Things we can learn from a dog: Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride. Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy. When loved ones come home, always run to greet them. When it's in your best interest, practice obedience. Let others know when they've invaded your territory. Take naps and stretch before rising. Run, romp, and play daily. Eat with gusto and enthusiasm. Be loyal. Never pretend to be something you're not. If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it. When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by, and nuzzle them gently. Thrive on attention and let people touch you. Avoid biting when a simple growl will do. On hot days, drink lots of water, and lay under a shady tree. When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body. No matter how often you're scolded, don't buy into the guilt thing and pout...run right back and make friends. Delight in the simple joy of a long walk. Author Unknown
Things will be all right in the end, if you can wait that long. Ashleigh Brilliant
Think big thoughts but relish small pleasures. H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
This "telephone" has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us. Western Union internal memo, 1876
Though we should conquer a thousand men in the battlefield a thousand times, yet he who would conquer himself is the noblest victor. Buddha
Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead. Benjamin Franklin, 1706-1790
Today's greatest labor-saving device is tomorrow. Tom Wilson
To determine the distance in miles of a thunderstorm, count the seconds between seeing a lightning flash and hearing thunder, then divide by five. Divide by three for kilometers. Backpacking Magazine
To handle yourself, use your head. To handle others, use your heart. Author Unknown
To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other. Jack Handey
Too bad there's not such a thing as a golden skunk, because you'd probably be proud to be sprayed by one. Jack Handey
Too bad you can't just grab a tree by the very tiptop and bend it clear over to the ground and then let her fly, because I bet you'd be amazed at all the stuff that comes flying out. Jack Handey
To us the family is the cornerstone of civilization and must ever be. It is the foundation of proper human relationships. Mark E. Petersen (Ensign, Nov 1975, p 63)
To your enemy, forgiveness. To an opponent, tolerance. To a friend, heart. To a customer, service. To all, charity. To every child, a good example. To you, respect. Oren Arnold
Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas. Former Australian cabinet minister Keppel Enderbery
Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education. Mark Twain
True greatness . . . always requires regular, consistent, small, and sometimes ordinary and mundane steps over a long period of time. President Howard W. Hunter ("True Greatness,"
Ensign, May 1982, p 20)
True power is knowing that you can, but you don't. Juliet Alicia Jarvis
True repentance does not permit repetition. Spencer W. Kimball (LDS Speaker's Sourcebook, Aspen Books, 1991, p 379)
Truth has to fall on fertile soil. Paula d'Arcy
Truth hurts - not the searching after; the running from! John Eyberg
Truth isn't always beauty, but the hunger for it is. Nadine Gordimer
Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe. Albert Einstein
Ultimately, the only power to which man should aspire is that which he exercises over himself. Elie Wiesel
Values are not trendy items that are casually traded in. Ellen Goodman
Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things. Dan Quayle
War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things. The person who has nothing for which he is willing to fight, nothing which is more important than his own personal safety, is a miserable creature and has no chance of being free unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself. John Stuart Mill
Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? John Belushi as Bluto in the movie Animal House
We appreciate all suggestions. Those accompanied by a one-hundred-dollar bill will be considered first. Author Unknown
We are all inclined to judge ourselves by our ideals; others by their acts. Harold Nicolson
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Fingal O'Flahertie Wills Wilde, 1854-1900 (Lady Windermere's Fan, 1892)
We are made to persist. That's how we find out who we are. Tobias Wolff
We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence is not an act, but a habit. Aristotle, 384-322 BC
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time. Vince Lombardi, football coach
We do have a zeal for laughter in most situations, give or take a dentist. Joseph Heller
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out. Decca Recording Company, rejecting the Beatles, 1962
We don't need a head of state who guts our defenses and draws phony red lines with a pink crayon. Oliver North, March 2014
Welcome to President Clinton, Mrs. Clinton, and my fellow astronauts. Vice President Al Gore
We may pass violets looking for roses. We may pass contentment looking for victory. Bern Williams
We owe it to our past futile sacrifices to continue making further futile sacrifices. Ashleigh Brilliant
We're lost, but we're making good time. Yogi Berra
What are you willing to give up in order to keep what you want? Author Unknown
What concerns everyone can only be resolved by everyone. Friedrich Dόrrenmatt
What happens when none of your bees wax? Stephen Wright
What if there were no hypothetical questions? George Carlin
What is right is often forgotten by what is convenient. Bodie Thoene
What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us. Ralph Waldo Emerson
What luck for rulers that men do not think. Adolf Hitler
What people say behind your back is your standing in the community. Edgar Watson Howe, 1853-1937
What's another word for Thesaurus? Steven Wright
Whenever I decide something with kindness, I usually make the right decision. Author Unknown
Whenever I get close to the lap of luxury, luxury stands up. Thaves in "Frank and Ernest"
When I die, I want to go like my grand dad did, quietly in his sleep. Not screaming like the passengers in his plane. Author Unknown
When I heard that trees grow a new "ring" for each year they live, I thought, we humans are kind of like that: We grow a new layer of skin each year, and after many years we are thick and unwieldy from all our skin layers. Jack Handey
When it comes right down to it, wherever you go, there you are. Whatever you wind up doing, that's what you've wound up doing. Whatever you are thinking, that's what's on your mind. Whatever has happened to you, it has already happened. The important question is, how are you going to handle it? In other words, "Now what?" Jon Kabat-Zinn
"When I use a word", said Humpty Dumpty in a rather scornful tone, "it means exactly what I choose it to mean, neither more nor less." in Through the Looking Glass
When placed in command - take charge. H. Norman Schwarzkopf (1934- ) General, US Army
When you cut a grapefruit and it squirts, why does it always squirt right in your eye? AV, Springville, Utah
When you stop spending time with real friends, you lose your balance. Michael Levine
Where does the white go when the snow melts? Hmmmmm
Wherever I go, the world's worst drivers have followed me there. Unknown
While the movie industry produced nearly 12 times more R-rated films than G-rated from 1989 - 2003 (1,533 and 123 respectively), the average G-rated film produced 11 times greater profit than its R-rated counterpart ($78,982 and $6,939 respectively). G-rated films also produced an average rate of return on investment (ROI) three times greater than R-rated films. (94.5% vs. 28.7%) Between 2000 and 2003, Hollywood produced nearly four times as many PG-13 films as PG. (75 vs. 21). During that same time, the average PG film produced $33 million greater profit than a PG-13 film ($78.8 million vs. $45.6 million). Profitability Study of MPAA-Rated Movies commissioned by the Dove Foundation, released May 2005
While theoretically and technically television may be feasible, commercially and financially I consider it an impossibility, a development of which we need waste little time dreaming. Lee De Forrest, US inventor, father of the radio, 1926
Whoever is careless with the truth in small matters cannot be trusted with the important matters. Albert Einstein
Who lies down with dogs will get up with fleas. Irish Proverb
Who the hell wants to hear actors talk? H.M. Warner, of Warner Brothers, 1927
Why doesn't the fellow who says "I'm no speechmaker" let it go at that instead of giving a demonstration? Kin Hubbard
Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes? Hmmmmm
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii? Hmmmmm
Why does round pizza come in a square box? Hmmmmm
Why does underwear always turn inside out no matter how you put them into the dryer? Hmmmmm
Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things? Hmmmmm
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name? Hmmmmm
Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways? Hmmmmm
Why do women coo over small, furry creature (like rabbits), but are deadly afraid of mice? Hmmmmm
Why do women dress sexy, then complain when they catch men staring? Hmmmmm
Why do women need their men to feel miserable when they're miserable, yet when men are miserable, women don't seem affected in any way? Hmmmmm
Why do women pluck their eyebrows, only to draw them in again? Hmmmmm
Why do women tell their friends intimate details about their relationships with men, then complain when their men won't share their feelings? Hmmmmm
Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive? Hmmmmm
Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo? Hmmmmm
Wicked men obey from fear: good men, from love. Aristotle
Winning is something that builds physically and mentally every day that you train and every night that you dream. Emmitt Smith
Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something. Plato
Without forgiveness, there is no healing. Without memory, there is no future. Archbishop Desmond Tutu
Without courage, there cannot be truth, and without truth, there can be no other virtue. Sir Walter Scott, Scottish writer
Wonder rather than doubt is the root of knowledge. Abraham Joshua Heschel
Words are plentiful, but deeds are precious. Lech Walesa
Write injuries in sand, kindnesses in marble. French Proverb
Writing is like prostitution. First you do it for the love of it, then you do it for a few friends, and finally you do it for the money. Moliere, French playwright
Yesterday's the past, tomorrow's the future, but today is a gift. That's why it's called the present. Bill Keane in "Family Circus"
Yes, the president should resign. He has lied to the American people, time and time again, and betrayed their trust. He is no longer an effective leader. Since he has admitted guilt, there is no reason to put the American people through an impeachment. He will serve absolutely no purpose in finishing out his term; the only possible solution is for the President to save some dignity and resign. Falsely attributed to William Jefferson Clinton, 1974
You and I know and do not believe that life is so dear and peace so sweet as to be purchased at the price of chains and slavery. If nothing is worth dying for, when did this begin? Should Moses have told the children of Israel to live in slavery under the pharaohs? Should Christ have refused the cross? Should the patriots of Concord Bridge have thrown down their guns and refused to fire the shot heard round the world? Ronald Reagan (1964)
You are entitled to your own opinions, but you are not entitled to your own facts. Senator Daniel Patrick Moynihan
You are mature when you know what is foolhardy and what is courage. Bern Williams
You become successful the moment you start moving toward a worthwhile goal. Author Unknown
You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation. Plato
You can fool too many of the people too much of the time. James Thurber
You can observe a lot by watching. Yogi Berra
You can tell a lot about a man by the way he handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. Author Unknown
You can't hide broccoli in your glass of milk. H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
You can't steal second base with one foot on first. Author Unknown
You can't stop insane people from doing insane things with insane laws. That's insane! Penn Jillette
You can't trust dogs to watch your food. Lee Walburn (Atlanta)
You come out ahead if you don't try to get even. Author Unknown
You don't get harmony when everybody sings the same note. Doug Floyd
You have to expect things of yourself before you can do them. Michael Jordan
You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, and Germany doesn't want to go to war. Author Unknown (March 2003)
You know you are getting old when you reach down to tie your shoelaces and ask yourself what else you can do as long as you are down there. Author Unknown
You'll always miss 100% of the shots you don't take. Author Unknown
You never fail until you stop trying. Blaine Nay
Young men sow wild oats. Old men grow sage. Author Unknown
Your greatest moments are not the so-called days of success, but the times when you rise from despair and dejection to meet the challenge rather than accept failure and defeat. Blaine Nay
You shouldn't go through life with a catchers mitt on both hands. You need to be able to throw something back. Author Unknown
